Jouska; a hypothetical conversation that you compulsively play out in your head.
She was there again in her front garden, sunbathing and relaxing. I’d missed seeing her during winter. Now though, she’d be out there every sunny day and I could watch from the shadow corner of my living room. I know what people would think of me if they knew I was watching her; a spy, a peeping tom, a stalker, a rapist.
I’m not any of them. I’m just a lonely artist who sees the beauty of all female forms. Sometimes I’ll sit here and sketch her, other times I’ll draw her from memory. Most of the time I just like to watch and hold a conversation with her in my head.
‘Hello,’ I would say, ‘nice weather today.’
‘Yes,’ she would reply, maybe lowering her sunglasses.
‘I’m sorry to interrupt you. But I live across the way there and I’ve been admiring you for so long.’
She might sigh and try to break the news she has a boyfriend or a husband to me. Not that I’ve noticed one about the place. Or perhaps, she might look closely at me and try to tell me I’m not her type.
In some of these conversations, she does declare her interested in me, but those are very rare and only when I’m feeling at my most lowest. Most of the time she’ll state a boyfriend.
My reply is always, ‘that’s fine. I’m an artist and I would like to paint you.’
‘Well, I don’t know,’ she’d respond and start to blush.
‘Please? You can have the painting. It’s the only thing I wish for.’
‘I’d need to think about it,’ she would say whilst getting up.
‘No. Don’t think about it. You wouldn’t have to do anything. Just lay there as you have been doing and I shall get to work at once. Here, I have my paper and pencils all ready. Please, this would mean so much to me.’
She’ll lower herself back down, ‘okay….’
‘It’ll be fine,’ I’ll say.
Then I begin to sketch her. Outlining all her loveliness whilst she sunbaths.
After, I will transfer the sketches to canvas and paint her. It’ll be my master piece. The one painting everyone remembers me by.
If only that conversation could become real…