Writer Struggles

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I can no longer feel it in my heart and soul. Where once I had energy and passion there is only a dry husk. I feel there is nothing left inside of me to write about. Every place I look for motivation I find none.

Sitting at the bus stop or lingering in a closing cafe, I listen and watch the people just like I have done for years. My mind draws no pictures around them. They are normal people with normal lives. Not fantasy heroes or Victorian heroines ready for adventures.

Searching in the library, I find books on writing, but I’ve read them all before. I look for more, anything that draws my attention, anything that might get the gears working in my head again. I leave with my arms full of books and spend all day and night reading, but it doesn’t solve my problem.

I go to the doctor and tell him the voices have stopped talking in my head. He smiles and says but isn’t that what everyone wants? What’s the problem? I shout back, but I’m a writer and my life depends on those voices! He shrugs, tells me to eat healthier, have a holiday, and take up a new hobby.

At home I lay in bed, watching spider shadows across the ceiling. I think about what if I’d not been born me. What if I’d been born someone else? Like my doctor or the old lady who always gets the same bus as me. What if I was leading a totally different life right now?

Would I miss writing? Would I even know I had a gift?

I once had a gift.

Now there’s only empty space inside of my head with cotton candy clouds floating by. I wonder if Heaven is like this?

In the morning, I get up and pack a suitcase and rucksack. Of my writing suppliers, I take only an old comforting notebook and a favorite pen. I go to the train station, choose the next train to the furthest away place and buy a one way ticket.

Hopefully inspiration will be waiting at the end of the line.

Travel Book

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I want to take you away with me. Not just in your imagination but in your heart and soul too. I want to take you to lands that don’t existed and perhaps they never did and lands that will existed in the future, but even your children will never know them. There’s no need to be afraid or to pack your suitcases, in fact all you need is a comfy seat and some light.

I want you to meet people who have never been and yet always have been. They will tell you stories you won’t believe and take you on adventures which will always stay with you. I want you to feel every emotion to the core of your being and know that your tears are not wasted. For each bout of sadness keeps our heroes and heroine live for longer.

I want you to remember that even as you close the covers, the end doesn’t happen. You can visit these places and those people as many times as you like. For they are always going to be with us because they and their stories have been immortalized.

So what are you wanting for? Go and pick up a book right now and travel where ever it takes you too.

The Mind Of A Writer

Dust, Doorway, Door, Window, Sunlight, Architecture

The second she opened the door in her mind all the stories rushed out. The characters began talking to her so loud that their mingling voices blocked everything else out. Scene settings popped into her vision, taking her from moonlight countryside to a cottage’s roaring fire place.

She shut her eyes and tried to get control over it all. She pushed away the characters she didn’t want to work on and listened harder to the ones she did. It took awhile, but when she opened her eyes again and saw the computer screen and keyboard before her. Hovering her fingers over random letters, she began typing.

Geeky (Part 2)

Plush Toys, Comiccon, Dortmund, Fair, Comic, Fig

They arrived at the meeting point which was just a sign post in the corner opposite the one Millie had first stood in, though there was a large distance between the two. It had been easy to follow Ben through the crowd as he had gone straight down one of the closest aisle. the follow of people seemed to be thinning out.

Two people were stood next to the sign. The teenage looking boy was dressed all in white and blue, with a floor sweeping cape, a sword and a shield. The older woman, who was looking around bored was dressed as Snow White. Both ignored each other and only cast a glance at Millie and Ben.

‘They’re not here,’ Millie muttered, ‘where else can we go?’

‘There’s another meeting place in the next room…but they could’ve gone outside too. Have you tried phoning them?’ Ben asked.

Millie nodded, but pulled out her phone all the same. She looked and saw she had a text message from one of her friends. Clicking on it and seeing the time was only a few minutes ago, she read the text.

‘They are in the role playing games room. Do you know where that is?’ Millie spoke out.

‘Sure, it’s upstairs.”

‘They should still be there.’

‘We’ll run,’ Ben added.

He began pushing is way through a large group of people coming in and Millie darted after him. She tripped over someone and shouted back an apology. She thought they replied something, but the noise was too loud behind her. Hurrying up the stairs, she avoided a group of children, they were dressed up in cute anime costumes, but she didn’t know who they are meant to be.

Ben had reached the top of the stairs and was waiting for her. She joined him and then went to a long to a smaller room. Looking in it was packed, but she spotted her friends right away. She waved to them.

‘You should be okay now,’ Ben said.

Millie nodded, ‘thanks.’

‘Hey erm…do you want meet up for a drink later?’ Ben asked.

Millie smiled, feeling a slight flush to her cheeks, ‘yes.’

Ben dug around in his pockets and pulled out his phone, ‘Let’s swap numbers then?’

‘Of course.’

They exchanged numbers and said goodbye just as one of Millie’s friends joined them.

‘Are you okay?’ she asked.

‘Yep. I made a new friend,’ Millie replied.

She turned to point out Ben, but he had vanished into the crowd mingling on the stairs.

‘That’s good. We have too! Come and see this…’

Millie turned back and let her friend drag her into the room. Her thoughts though were on Ben and the hope that they would see each other again.

Geeky (Part 1)

Plush Toys, Comiccon, Dortmund, Fair, Comic, Fig

Everything felt too surreal as Millie darted into a corner of the large venue’s main hall and tried to catch her breath. All around her, people in costumes flowed together like a happy, slow moving river. She saw some characters she recognized; Star Wars, Disney, Star Trek and was that a demon? Everyone else though, she had no idea, but it felt strange seeing such a mix of anime, manga, movies, games and TV series character brought to life.

Stalls and stands stretched out as far as Millie could see. The tables were full of so many things that it was hard to put them all into one category, yet they all connected to being geeky or nerdy. There was memorabilia, books, toys, games, posters, clothes and people sighing things. There was also so much noise that the sound blurred into one and it was hard to pick anything out from it.

‘Hey, are you okay?’ a soft, young man’s voice asked to her right.

Millie nodded, not daring herself to speak. He was cute with a soft round, friendly face and flushed pink cheeks. His eyes were very blue and his multi-coloured hair was long. He was wearing jeans and a t-shirt that read Minecraft, with a creeper bursting out of a grey brick wall. There was foam sword danging with a belt around his hips and he had a green plastic backpack on.

‘Bit crazy, isn’t it?’ he added.

‘Yes,’ Millie answered.

She looked down at what she was wearing, once again feeling so out of place. This morning she had gone with white trainers, light blue jeans and a tie-dye blue and white t-shirt with a large butterfly on it and a little white cotton jacket.

‘Here, so you want some water? Always useful to carry some.’

She glanced up shyly and accept the bottle from him. She took a few mouthfuls of warmish water, but she did feel better.

‘I’m Ben by the way. What are you cosplaying as?’

‘I’m Millie, erm, I’m not…I’ve never been to one of these things before. I came with some friends, but I’ve lost them.’

‘Ah. We are in the same boat then! I’ve lost my friends too,’ Ben laughed, ‘it’s fine. To be honest, I’m glad to escape from them.’

‘Why? oh, thanks,’ Millie added and tried to hand the water bottle back to him.

He waved it away, ‘keep it. Why? because, they are all couples and I feel like a third wheel.’

‘I see…’ Millie trailed off her attention drawn away.

A huge bright yellow Pikachu bopped by, his lightening shaped tail wiggling wildly. The three main human characters from Pokemon trailed behind him, the girl laughing loudly and covering her mouth at some joke or story told by the boy wearing the red baseball cap. They all walked passed and faded into the crowd again.

Ben laughed, ‘only at a convention. Hey, are you hungry?’

Millie frowned, ‘sort of, but I should look for my friends.’

‘Okay. I’ll take you to the nearest meeting point then….Did you arrange to meet them anywhere?’

‘No. I don’t think we did,’ Millie replied slowly.

Ben shrugged his shoulders, ‘Let’s go see if they’re there. What are they cosplaying as?’

‘They’re not,’ Millie answered.

‘Guess that makes them easier to spot. Come on,’ Ben said.

They walked back into the crowd together avoiding someone fully dressed as a wolf wearing dungarees.

To Be Continued…

Hired

‘Try the buttons again,’

‘I all ready did. It’s no good. The elevator’s stuck.’

‘This thing is so old the dinos could’ve used it! What’d you say your name was again?’

‘Phil. And you?’

‘Chris. Bannet. You mind if I smoke? My nerves are getting up.’

‘I don’t mind, but are you allowed? I don’t see any no smoking signs.’

‘It’ll be fine, Phil. I’m sure. Here you want one?’

‘No…I quit last year. Wife went on a crazy health bender. You know how it goes, out with all the good stuff and in the rabbit food. What about you, Chris? Got a wife?’

‘Nope. Marriage was never for me. I so needed this…’

‘What you do for a living then? You look like a company boss in that suit.’

‘I just been to a funeral. I’m a nightclub bouncer. What about you?’

‘A personal trainer. And it’s not as good money as everyone says it is! Who’s funeral was it, did you say?’

‘An old friend. Died in a car crash. I’d not seen him for a couple ‘o months though.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘Don’t be. So you live here? I don’t recall seeing you around.’

‘I just moved in actually. Like two months ago. But my ma had a hip replacement so I had to go and stay with her for a while.’

‘I’ve been here a few years now. Bought the place when it was cheap and now I can’t get it out. House market crash and all that. Half the apartments are empty anyway, they can’t seem to sell ‘em. Guess they hooked you though.’

‘My wife and I are going through a bad patch. I need to get out for a while and yeah they offered me a good deal on the place. What floor are you on, again?’

‘Twelve. You were sixteen, right?’

‘Yes. I can’t get any signal on my phone? Can you?’

‘I never can. Say, does your wife have blonde hair?’

‘Yeah, she does. Why?’

‘No reason.’

‘What nightclub do you work at? I don’t think you told me.’

‘Oh, it’s some weird funky place. The Seahorse. It’s more of a bar really. But they have live music nights and kids love it. What’s your gym called?

‘Grinders’. Silly name really.’

‘Is it a blacked out building in-between two Chinese take-aways?’

‘Yes it is, have you been there, Chris?’

‘Nope. Just seen it. Sure you don’t want to smoke.’

‘No. But I can’t believe our luck.’

‘Luck?’

‘Being trapped in here together. I meant. I guess we could rattle the bars and shout for help?’

‘Sure. Normally, she just needs a good slam or someone else to call her and she starts again.’

‘I’ll try the buttons again.’

‘Worth a shot.’

‘Seems we’re got another problem though.’

‘And what’s that, Phil?’

‘I think we both know what that is, Chris.’

‘Indulge me.’

‘We’ve been looking for each other. Who hired you?’

‘You’re jumping to conclusions a bit there, pal.’

‘No. I’m not. You fit the profile far too well. And you know too much about my cover.’

‘I don’t know who it is. I’m just the monkey.’

‘We could work together…’

‘I’ve trust issues. Sorry, Phil. Don’t worry about your wife. I’ll take good care of her.’

‘Wait, Wait! Just-’

‘Oh and by the way. It was me that stalled the elevator. These cage kinds are so much easier to rig up. You were going down right?’