Camp #WhatPegmanSaw

During the summer, the school’s headmaster would go away. Worn down and stressed, he found escaping to the hills and spending time in complete isolation and nature the best to recover.

He pitched a tent, created a fire, built extra shelter from fallen branches and ferns around his camp site. During the daytime, he walked the hills, fished, set rabbit traps and collect edible fruits, plants and fungi. Later, he cooked what he’d caught and had supper.

At night he fell sleep, lulled by rain, wind and animals’ calls, knowing when he woke there was nothing to worry over.

 

(Inspired by; https://whatpegmansaw.com/2019/08/03/black-hills-south-dakota/ with thanks).

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River #whatpegmansaw

The sun shone on the murky mud river, heating it up but leaving the depths cool. Ripples caused by fish and the boats crossed the surface. I watched and saw fish jumping.

Sipping my coffee, I lent on the railing of my cousin’s houseboat and wished I could have this life. He had moved to Luxon, South Australia as a child, leaving England behind. Our twin mothers had been close and we had visited each other often.

Now though, I had lost everything and had come here seeking an escape but perhaps, I could stay here and begin again?

 

(Inspired by; https://whatpegmansaw.com/blog/ with thanks).

Yearning #WritePhoto

a channel of water flowing out to sea, with the sun reflecting on the water.

I had come to the coast for my nerves. That’s what they did in the old days. They would get away from the coal smoke chocked cities, filled with diseases and death to the clean, brightness of the sea. For some that worked and they felt refreshed enough afterwards to return to their lives.

It had been three days and I wasn’t feeling any better. There was far too much more to worry about now then there was back then. We laugh when we read the classic novels were marriage was the biggest issue the characters faced because now marriage is meaningless.

Money and power and still talk though but I no longer have an interested in them. I’m yearning from something else, something deeper. I don’t know what it is though, expect that in quietness, I get close.

I watch the sunset across the beach. There is a river which is running straight out to the sea. The sunlight shines on the water, the light reflecting off the waves. It’s still, almost like a photograph.

Is this what I’ve been looking for? A single moment of silent?

It’s gone before I can capture it.

At least, I know now what I’m looking for and next time I shall reach Nirvana.

 

(Inspired by; https://scvincent.com/2019/05/30/thursday-photo-prompt-yearning-writephoto/ with thanks).

 

Alone

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Alone at last, he embraced the sky.

Timeless #WritePhoto

It was a silly idea but it stuck in my head and what did I have to lose anyway? An afternoon getting lost, back tracking lots then finally finding the correct field. Though, it’s hard to say those hours were wasted because I actually enjoyed getting out of town and into the countryside for awhile.

I’m NOT going to start at the beginning, I’m sick of doing that with the doctors, nurses, support workers etc. I sound like a broken record in my head, stuck repeating the same lyrics over and over. Sorry for the use of cliche, but as I’ve found out things put plainly get more understood then some hyped up analogy.

To all those people and everyone else – family, friends, colleagues- they need to hear it to understand it, no matter how many times it takes. Also, they like to hear me being positive; ‘I’m okay,’ ‘I’m doing fine,’ ‘No, I don’t need help,’ ‘Thanks for your concern, I appreciation it.’

And all the while I’m just screaming in my head; ‘Can everyone just F off and leave me alone!!’

It’s strange how we are sort of programmed to hold everything in, to stay ‘normal’ when everything is anything but and just carry on.

I thought about this the other day, when I saw a boy having a tantrum in the shop because his mum wouldn’t buy him a toy. He was full on getting all his emotions out for everyone to see and though people didn’t like it, we all understood what was going on.

That’s what I want to do! Just scream to the world that I’m not happy and I didn’t get what I wanted in life and now I’ve been told not much can be done about it. As an adult, I can’t seem to do that. It’s not the to do action when you are mid-thirties.

The action is to accept and move on.

Or else you go out and try silly things like this!

Now, I’m walking across short, wet grass, heading to the almost center of the field. Ahead the massive standing stone looms, it’s a strange twisting shape and a total blot in the flat landscape. It’s a mystery how it got here but legend says it’s an ancient healing stone and has cured millions.

I come to a stop beside the stone. It’s covered in dark moss and bits have been chipped away which is why it has an odd shape. I guess people were so desperate for healing they removed bits. I wonder if that worked for them or if the bits lost power? Does it actually matter?

I touch the stone like I’m meant too. It’s freezing and wet, not a surprise there. I feel foolish. I breath and hope no one is seeing this right now!

Do I believe the stone will heal me? I’m not sure. Common sense says no but common sense also says drugs are meant to but when the drugs stop working what then?

When you lose belief in one thing how can you find it in another?

Tears roll down my cheeks, hot and salty, I don’t wipe them away. I’m too tried.

I move closer to the stone and hug it. My arms don’t reach all away around and there’s a large gap my fingers try to bridge but don’t. Dampness and coldness sink into me like the starting up of a shower before it gets hot. The stone is smooth, worn over the years. I press my cheek to it and just let everything go.

I cry, scream, shout, punch, kick, I bash my head against the stone.

Dizziness sweeps me. Sobbing, I slip down to the ground, press my back against the stone and turn my face skyward. Shutting my eyes, I listen to my hammer heart, my ragged breaths and a headache building.

It starts raining softly.

The stone feels warm.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel little bit of peace.

 

(Inspired by; https://scvincent.com/2019/02/21/thursday-photo-prompt-timeless-writephoto/ with thanks).

Spike #3LineTales

three line tales, week 158: a border with a barbed wire fence

Holding my dog Spike’s collar, we both watched my husband, Adam, putting up the barbwire on top of the new chain link fence in the back garden.

Adam glanced down from his ladder at me and my mastiff, with a grumpy look that said he wasn’t happy for a number of reasons.

I  threw my arms around Spike into a tight hug and whispered, ‘this is the final straw, Spiky, you get out chasing cats, dogs and neighbours again, it’ll be dogs’ home for you and heaven knows what’ll happen then, promise to be a good boy from now on, okay?’

 

(Inspired by; https://only100words.xyz/2019/02/07/three-line-tales-week-158/ with thanks).

Calm #WritePhoto

The trees had lost all of their leaves and winter was growing in the air. I walked beside the bending river, listening to the water moving and the hidden birds singing. It was too cold to stop today as I would normally have done, to admire the landscape and the sounds of nature. My heart badly wanted to though.

At a rough wooden bench, huddling in my long coat, I sit down. It was mid-afternoon, too late for lunchtime dog walkers and schools would be out soon, so there wasn’t anyone walking this corner of the countryside. That’s the way I like it, nobody asking if I’m okay, saying it would pass and get better. It was just me and the river with it’s calming flow.

It felt like I could fall asleep and dream safely here. The insomnia and the nightmares couldn’t get me, I could be at peace. I sighed and looked up at the sky. The clouds were drifting lazy, I wish I was up there with them, no worries.

It was getting too cold, I had to go. I got up and walked slowly, trying to delay my return home. Back there all the anxiety and depression was waiting for me. Out here though, I was free.

 

(Inspired by; https://scvincent.com/2018/11/08/thursday-photo-prompt-calm-writephoto/ with thanks).

 

 

 

 

 

 

Advice #1linerweds

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My advice to anybody who asks me; to get out and be free from everything once in awhile.

(Inspired by; https://willowdot21.wordpress.com/2018/05/23/one-liner-wednesday-advice/ with thanks).

Heatwave

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She was glad to escape on the hot beach, sipping cocktails instead of dealing with all the drama back home.

New Dawn #WeeklyWritingPrompt

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The road felt sharp under my bare feet. Ahead, all I could see was rolling mist and the outline of trees. I didn’t know where I was and there were no signs to guide me. There was only one thought in my head; keep running. Though, I had long ago stopped moving quickly as tiredness had set heavily in.

I should have tried to look for clues early on to figure out where they had taken me. My head though had been in a blind panic and there was only blurs of colour and patchy memories for me to reflect upon now. They had held me captive for so long, I wasn’t sure what the day or year was.

My mind shifted gears as the light around me changed. The mist seemed to lift and I stopped in wonder. Morning had arrived and was chasing the night away. I turned my face to the rising sun, embracing it with everything I had left.

Today was my new dawn.

 

(Inspired from; https://secretkeeper.net/2018/03/19/weekly-writing-prompt-133/ with thanks).