Houdini #FridayFictioneers

Dad’s shouting woke me. Rolling over in bed, I rubbed my face and tried to understand through the fog of sleep what was going on. I heard footsteps along the hallway then the stairs. Mum’s voice in the kitchen and dad replying.

I got up, climbed down the bunk bed’s ladder and went, yawing and groggily, to investigate.

‘Look in the sink!’ mum cried as I entered the kitchen.

Confused, I did so and what I saw shocked me fully awake.

A fluffy, brown, fat hamster was trying to climb up the back of the sink but he kept sliding down because he couldn’t get a grip on the smooth surface.

‘Houdini!’ I yelled and grabbed the wiggling hamster, ‘I thought you were lost forever.’

‘So it’s him, then?’ dad asked.

‘Houdini has been missing a whole year,’ mum pointed out, ‘are you sure?’

Peering into my cupped hands at the ball of fluff and I nodded.

‘Where has he been?’ mum wondered.

 

(Inspired by; https://rochellewisoff.com/2020/07/08/10-july-2020/ with thanks.)

This is a true event from my childhood. Houdini was so named because he would escape and we’d never find out how he did it. He would be missing for awhile but this time it really was a whole year that he was gone for.

A few years after Houdini passed away, we got a new washing machine and a hamster nest was discovered in the vent. We believed it to have been Houdini’s nest and he had lived in the kitchen were there was always access to food and water.

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Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

It’s been over hundred days since I went into isolation to protect myself. From my window, I have watched the busy streets of Manchester city centre slowly empty and then become almost bare. The streets are filling up again now. Cars and buses on the roads, people hurrying to work or going shopping and the homeless huddling down where they can.

In the rain, umbrellas crowd and bash together whilst the rain washes the dirt away. I love the sound of the rain dripping off the pipes and tapping against the window. When the window is covered in rain drops it reminds me of being in an underwater world and looking out at the above space.

My doorbell rings and I go to see who it is. A delivery! Getting the box and setting it down sends a thrill of excitement through me. Of course, I’ve been ordering things off the internet a lot more then I did before. Mainly that’s because I’d go out and buy stuff but also, I’ve been getting things to help me pass through the time.

In the box is; two novels, three dvds, a large cross stitch of a white tiger and a colouring book.

I place everything on the coffee table, look through them then place them in their new homes. I put the box out for recycling.

It’s lunchtime. There’s lots of choice for me to pick through. I’ve been getting a food box once a week, other people have also been sending me things and I’ve got a shopping delivery date sorted for once a week. Food and other supplies are not in shortage here.

The problem is I don’t feel like eating. I pat my stomach and wait to feel hungry, but I just don’t. I feel sad and pointless. I make soup but only eat half of it then I curl on the sofa and watch TV but I can’t focus on it so instead I go to sit by the window with a book and listen to the rain whilst I read.

It’s just another day in lock down.

Create This Book!

I’d never destroy a book, they are like precious stones to me so when I received a book who’s sole purpose was to be drawn in and have pages abused, I was stunned. How could anyone, let alone me, do what this book was demanding?

Flipping through the almost blank white pages, I read the title on each one and my mind turned of the suggestions that the book was wanting; fold this page, draw dots, create a pet, write a list of things you have lost etc.

‘How can I do this to you?’ I whispered.

‘Because I want it,’ the book answered back, ‘I don’t want to be empty. Fill me with your pens.’

I shut my eyes, took up my pens and made my first marks on the cover. I was expecting to recoil in horror by what I had done but actually, I smiled at my crude drawing of a tree.

It’s okay, I thought, this book was made for this and the pages want me to bring them to life.

 

(Photo belongs to me)

Always A Book By My Side

I promised myself this year I wouldn’t buy anymore books. The bookcases and shelves were bowing under the weight of so many books, they wouldn’t take anymore. I had moved on to filling storage boxes and then to piling books on the floor by my bed, sofa and desk.

Most people held maps of how to get to places in their memories, I had a map of where each book was in my house instead. If there was one title I wanted to read, I was able to go to the room and shelf or box or bookcase it was in and after browsing through, locate it.

Most of the time, I took my next book from a current reading pile and moved through them that way. When I went out, the book came too and so I was never without one. There was something comforting about the weight of a book in your bag and also if you needed to wait you could read for a bit.

I had calculated I had enough new books and ones I wanted to re-read that I didn’t need to buy anymore books for a few years. So, I thought to try and read what I had and save the money I would have spent on something else. So began my new year resolution.

Within a month I had broken it. There were two books I wanted that I had missed the release of. I brought them and told myself to get back on track. Another two months later and I went to an art and craft fair. I meet an self-published writer who hadn’t sold a book all day. I felt bad and so brought his book and also another which had been on my list for awhile.

I told the writer of my book buying ban and thought it a hard task to do. I agreed and said this was the second time I had broken it now but I was determined to keep trying. I told myself if temptation came again I was to turn away.

It didn’t work! A few weeks later, I found another book I couldn’t live without and had to buy it. A new addition to my library and other world to escape into when I got around to it.

Why couldn’t I stick to my ban? Why did I have no self control? Why was I so addicted?

I pressed a book to my face and breathed in deeply, loving the ink stained pages and weight in my hands. I couldn’t do it, I couldn’t stop, I needed more books.

Dear Diary

Dear Diary,

It’s the first day of Autumn and I’m so happy! Some of the weather all ready has had a cooler and wet feel to it but I know summer will try to cling on for a few more weeks. That doesn’t bother me too much as I’m currently enjoying the darker and longer evening.

Today, I’ve been getting my autumn/winter reading list sorted, I’ve got some 1800’s Gothic classic novels to read; Dracula, Frankenstein, Jekyll and Hyde, Wuthering Heights and a few other shorter ghostie stories. I’m going to feel like I’m studying for English Lit exams again! But it’s going to be so good to just read these books for pleasure again.

I’ve started to receive my ordered Halloween items! My parents haven’t been that happy about that but as I explained to them when you are housebound with multiply mental and physical health problems the internet is your best friend! Also, Halloween gives me a big focus. This year, I’m planning on large treat bags for the kids filled with all kinds of things and I’m making gingerbread skeletons and Halloween biscuit shapes. So it should be good!

I just can’t wait for October to arrive now!

Anxiety Bracelet

Amelia discovered the bracelets and essential oils online.

‘Can help with anxiety,’ she read aloud.

Scrolling through the reviews, she decided it was worth a shot. Her anxiety had become so bad that she rarely left the house anymore.

She ordered a nice black lava stone rock bracelet and an anxiety relief oil.

A few days later, they arrived. She opened the oil and found she liked the calming smell of lavender and yang yang. The bracelet too was really nice. Amelia put a few drops of the oil on then slipped the bracelet on her wrist.

She smelt the lava stones and the oil scent wrapped around her like a calming blanket.

At Peace #SundayWritingPrompt

It was a strange place to go to find some quiet but graveyards always drew me. Nearly all the time, they were empty of people and blocked out the everyday noises.

I wandered around to the sounds of birds, wind in the trees and my footsteps. I looked at the headstones, thought about those long gone lives and what they might make of the world today.

There was a peace here that was nowhere else and a deeper connection to life that only comes when you reflect. It was my place for those moments.

 

(Inspired from; https://mindlovemiserysmenagerie.wordpress.com/2019/03/17/sunday-writing-prompt-peace-of-mind/ with thanks).

 

 

Snuggles

I sat on the sofa with my dog and flicked through the TV, there wan’t much on and I wasn’t in the mood for anything. I found some re-runs of a murder mystery series and with that in the background, I picked up my knitting project which was a toy teddy bear.

Weeks of being on and off ill had meant I hadn’t got around to finishing it but today could be the day.  Settling down, I started knitting, my dog sleeping behind me as she often did on these kind of days.

After a few rows, I pulled more of the wool and noticed it was stuck on something. Turning, I saw that unable to snuggle against me my dog had placed her head on the wool ball as if it was a little cushion.

Feeling mean for waking her up, I slipped the wool ball away from her. She raised her head, seeming confused at being awake.

‘It’s okay, old girl. Come lay on my lap,’ I told her whilst rubbing her head.

She yawned and re-curled against me, going back to sleep once again. I carried on knitting, thinking there was no better therapy then this.

 

(Photo my own. Please don’t use it without permission.)

Timeless #WritePhoto

It was a silly idea but it stuck in my head and what did I have to lose anyway? An afternoon getting lost, back tracking lots then finally finding the correct field. Though, it’s hard to say those hours were wasted because I actually enjoyed getting out of town and into the countryside for awhile.

I’m NOT going to start at the beginning, I’m sick of doing that with the doctors, nurses, support workers etc. I sound like a broken record in my head, stuck repeating the same lyrics over and over. Sorry for the use of cliche, but as I’ve found out things put plainly get more understood then some hyped up analogy.

To all those people and everyone else – family, friends, colleagues- they need to hear it to understand it, no matter how many times it takes. Also, they like to hear me being positive; ‘I’m okay,’ ‘I’m doing fine,’ ‘No, I don’t need help,’ ‘Thanks for your concern, I appreciation it.’

And all the while I’m just screaming in my head; ‘Can everyone just F off and leave me alone!!’

It’s strange how we are sort of programmed to hold everything in, to stay ‘normal’ when everything is anything but and just carry on.

I thought about this the other day, when I saw a boy having a tantrum in the shop because his mum wouldn’t buy him a toy. He was full on getting all his emotions out for everyone to see and though people didn’t like it, we all understood what was going on.

That’s what I want to do! Just scream to the world that I’m not happy and I didn’t get what I wanted in life and now I’ve been told not much can be done about it. As an adult, I can’t seem to do that. It’s not the to do action when you are mid-thirties.

The action is to accept and move on.

Or else you go out and try silly things like this!

Now, I’m walking across short, wet grass, heading to the almost center of the field. Ahead the massive standing stone looms, it’s a strange twisting shape and a total blot in the flat landscape. It’s a mystery how it got here but legend says it’s an ancient healing stone and has cured millions.

I come to a stop beside the stone. It’s covered in dark moss and bits have been chipped away which is why it has an odd shape. I guess people were so desperate for healing they removed bits. I wonder if that worked for them or if the bits lost power? Does it actually matter?

I touch the stone like I’m meant too. It’s freezing and wet, not a surprise there. I feel foolish. I breath and hope no one is seeing this right now!

Do I believe the stone will heal me? I’m not sure. Common sense says no but common sense also says drugs are meant to but when the drugs stop working what then?

When you lose belief in one thing how can you find it in another?

Tears roll down my cheeks, hot and salty, I don’t wipe them away. I’m too tried.

I move closer to the stone and hug it. My arms don’t reach all away around and there’s a large gap my fingers try to bridge but don’t. Dampness and coldness sink into me like the starting up of a shower before it gets hot. The stone is smooth, worn over the years. I press my cheek to it and just let everything go.

I cry, scream, shout, punch, kick, I bash my head against the stone.

Dizziness sweeps me. Sobbing, I slip down to the ground, press my back against the stone and turn my face skyward. Shutting my eyes, I listen to my hammer heart, my ragged breaths and a headache building.

It starts raining softly.

The stone feels warm.

And for the first time in a long time, I feel little bit of peace.

 

(Inspired by; https://scvincent.com/2019/02/21/thursday-photo-prompt-timeless-writephoto/ with thanks).

Orion’s Belt

One AM and my insomnia demon was putting on his best performance. Feeling too hot, I threw the bedding away and despite it being freezing outside, I opened the window.

A winter wind blew snowflakes into my face but that didn’t put me off. Enjoying the coldness, I noticed how clear the sky was and how bright the stars were.

When younger, I had enjoyed reading about the solar system and now I dug up that knowledge to name the constellations. It took me a few moments but then three stars lined together gave Orion away.

I smiled and traced him out. Next, Canis Major, one of Orion’s hunting dogs. As for Taurus, the bull Orion was hunting, I couldn’t see because next door’s roof blocked him. Moving back, I looked for the two stars of Canis Minor however they were too far away. Next, the unicorn, Monoceros, but I couldn’t pick those stars out either.

Turning back, I focused on Orion until I yawed and felt sleepy. Closing the window, I settled down again and miraculously fell to sleep.