It was cool on the moor today, despite the sunshine, blue sky and spring singing in the air. I hadn’t meant to go out for a walk, I had too much to do but all day the moors had been calling me like an old friend begging for a visit.
The evenings were growing lighter now, so I thought an hour before the sunsets around seven, would be fine. Some fresh air and exercise might be good, it would help to clear my head and make me tried enough to sleep.
I changed into warm and waterproof clothes and boots, I packed a bag with a few supplies, made sure my phone was changed then set out. You never knew when things might change on the moor or if you might fall on a boggy patch of ground or trip on a rocky edge. I knew from experience what it was like to be stuck out there with nothing.
I walked straight, no direction in mind, just going where the first path took me. There was low cloud cover over some of the higher hills in the distant, the clouds were all ready turning dark with the evening light. There too where dots of sheep with early lambs nesting in the bushes. There was purple heather coming up and a few wild flowers but nothing much else grew out here.
At one high point, I stopped for a breath and some water. The air was turning colder, threatening a frost in the night. I was glad I had wrapped up. I played with the gold chain around my neck then moved on to the multi-coloured shell that hung from the links. I could name all the colours on the shell without looking; red, orange, yellow and green.
It had been a present. The last birthday gift my son had ever given me. Then a few months later, he and my husband had died in a car accident. I had barely escaped the wreak and had no memory of what had happened.
The moor helped me forget, that’s why I had moved here. It was so easy to lose yourself either staring and walking upon the moor. The seasons and weather were ever changing and there was all ways something new to see or smell or hear.
I had my escape on my doorstep and I was grateful for it.
Dear diary, spring is here but the weather doesn’t make it feel like it! The weather forecast says more smaller storms are coming and it’s going to stay cold. I guess someone should let the flowers know that!
Some crocuses and daffodils are all ready opening. This afternoon, I saw a load of snowdrops popping up on the stretches of grasses beside the road. They are hardly little things.
I’d like to do more gardening but I’m not sure I have it within me. It seems so easy to care for a plant; right soil, water, food and sunlight but something always seems to go wrong. That’s why the only plants I have are cacti and the dreaded money plant that I’m sure is immortal…
It’s hailstones again. I can hear them tapping on the window. So far it’s not been cold enough for snow and it’s been such a mild winter but I just think that’s misleading. Winter doesn’t seem over till summer arrives and snow can appear like a normal thing in the next few months.
Would the flowers survive if it did snow? I think for a little while they can do. It can be warm under snow sometimes. Flowers must know how to cope like the rest of nature.
It’ll be nice to see to the trees in leaf and the flowers in bloom again. After the gloom of winter the brightness of spring always cheers me. It’s nice being warmer and having longer days.
Though I will miss curling up under blankets, getting all warm and drinking hot chocolate. Also reading a book until I doze off and then waking up as the wind and heavy rain disturbs me.
On the other hand, I can be outside more and go to the beach and enjoy the sun. There’s so much each season can bring and I like embracing them all.
Where has the year gone too? It’s the second to last month all ready and I feel like it’s just been lost. I know it’s not been really but it’s just the strangeness of the changing seasons.
I know this surreal sense will pass.
The air is always foggy at the moment as people burn fires and let fireworks off because it’s almost bonfire night. For some reason, the sounds and smells remind me of the World Wars. Like the fireworks become the distant sounds of guns going off and the smell of burning.
Perhaps, in a past life I was a solider? Or maybe, I have too good a imagination?
It’s raining again. The sounds of drops pattering on the ground and tapping against the window is making me sleepy. Listening to rain has been helping me sleep better at night.
I have nothing to do today. My knee and leg are still aching and the plaster cast is itchy. I’ve built a tower of pillows to rest my leg up on and I’m just going to rest and watching the Halloween episodes of TV shows I missed yesterday.
It’s the first day of Autumn and I’m so happy! Some of the weather all ready has had a cooler and wet feel to it but I know summer will try to cling on for a few more weeks. That doesn’t bother me too much as I’m currently enjoying the darker and longer evening.
Today, I’ve been getting my autumn/winter reading list sorted, I’ve got some 1800’s Gothic classic novels to read; Dracula, Frankenstein, Jekyll and Hyde, Wuthering Heights and a few other shorter ghostie stories. I’m going to feel like I’m studying for English Lit exams again! But it’s going to be so good to just read these books for pleasure again.
I’ve started to receive my ordered Halloween items! My parents haven’t been that happy about that but as I explained to them when you are housebound with multiply mental and physical health problems the internet is your best friend! Also, Halloween gives me a big focus. This year, I’m planning on large treat bags for the kids filled with all kinds of things and I’m making gingerbread skeletons and Halloween biscuit shapes. So it should be good!
They put the flag up. It must be a special day but time doesn’t work for me anymore and so I wasn’t sure. Sometimes, there are hints for special days; presents, lights, seasonal changes, mostly I guess. Today, was drawing a blank, so I went back to just floating around.
There’s no time on this side, no judging of the passing of things, it’s all just one. We all cycle around, waiting to start counting the time again, the passage of what always seems so important but really it’s just a raised flag.
Summer is here but the weather doesn’t feel like it! It’s rainy and windy, with dark clouds and a sense of autumn more then anything.
I wanted to go for walk but have decided against. It’s a cup of tea and a lengthy novel to fill my afternoon out with.
The living room feels cold so I feel chilled which doesn’t help the aches and pains in my body. A bath later will ease things and pass more time till I can go to bed again. Sleeping, once I get there! does help.
I have been doing the exercises the nurse recommended too and spending more time standing up and less sitting which is fine on a good day but not on a bad. Swimming also has helped. In the water, I can forget anything and act like I did in the days before becoming ill. I’m going to do more swimming soon.
Warm, dry weather also helps and I’m hoping summer does settle in soon and I can spend more time feeling well enough to do things.
Till then as always, it’s trying to stay as comfortable as possible and distracting myself with as much as I can.
I like being alone. There are no distractions or interruptions, just the time to read novels. I love entering into times long gone, worlds unknown and times still to come, with different people but their problems; money, love, family and hardships, can still be experienced now. I draw comfort from those stories and characters, makes me appreciate more being alive today.
When the weather is nice, I’ll sit outside with a picnic and loss myself in the words until time has no meaning. On rough days, I sit in the conservatory, letting rain and wind be the background to the darker parts of the novels. During winter, I’m by the fire with hot chocolate and Christmas cake, living in all those historical winters’ pasts.
My favourite place to be alone with my books is in bed. There I spend hours and some sleepless nights, turning pages eager to know what happens, seeking answers till everything is solved.
Some might say, I’m not living my life, I’m repeatedly living the lives of fictional people, who have never been and never will. But people can say whatever they want. If I’m happy alone with my books, that’s all that matters to me.
When all her tasks were done and the Big house was busy with other things, Nanny liked to take the children for a long walk. In the winter and autumn months the time spent outside depended on the weather and the fussiness of the six children. In spring and summer, whole days could be spent in the vast gardens.
Elizabeth the oldest at fourteen did not like her hair and dresses getting wet and muddy. Often, she would take shelter in one of the many alcoves and read romantic fiction. In contrast her twin brothers; Henry and George aged ten, loved getting as dirty as possible. They would scamper through gardens left wild, splash in the brook and hunt for bugs. Getting those two back inside was a trying time for Nanny.
Mary, seven, and Anne, five, liked picking flowers to make necklaces, crowns and give as bunches to people. This was highly frowned upon by the gardeners! Whilst the youngest, two year old, James, would sit in his pram or on a blanket and try to join in with his siblings play.
Nanny would find nice comfortable seats to rest on and she would knit, sew, read, join in with games and sometimes nap in the hazy heat of the afternoon. Nanny liked the fragrant scents of jasmine and roses, her favorite though was lavender because it was so calming.
The children liked to bring Nanny handfuls of lavender whenever she was cross at them. Nanny in return would use dried lavender in bedding and clothes to keep things fresh.
As the children grew up and left the Big house to led their own lives, the smell of lavender always reminded them of time spent in the garden with their Nanny.