Journals (Part 6)


(Please be aware this story contains adult sexual content.)

The week went by like lightening and the normal days were only broken up by me putting up gran’s house for sale. I felt a strange sense as I pulled up outside on Friday morning and saw the for sale sign in the garden. Getting myself and Freddie out of the car I walked up the house.

‘We won’t be able to do this for much longer,’ I told Freddie.

‘What?’ he demanded, his four year old mind not gasping my words.

I kissed him instead of trying to explain and unlocked the front door. Going in, the familiar smells had vanished under the heavy odors of cleaning chemicals. The estate agents had suggested we paint and varnish, but that would have been another few weeks and as a family we’d had enough. Gran’s house, the home I’d grown up in, had become an albatross around our necks and it was time to cut it loose.

‘We could move in,’ Dan had suggest the first time we had walked through together.

‘It needs a lot of work,’ I had added, ‘and up dating.’

‘There’s no wifi!’ Ty had shouted.

‘The bathroom sink tap still won’t turn off,’ Darla told us.

‘I think…it’s best we sell it,’ I had concluded.

And now it was happening. I walked from room to room, double checking that what we were leaving behind – old furniture and such- was fine to be left. In the kitchen, I got Freddie a glass of water and began opening the cupboards. They were all pretty much empty. I collected the mugs and drink making stuff we had brought with us.

At the door, I turned and looked back. How many hours had I spent in this kitchen whilst gran had cooked? How many birthday parties had there been a cake on that table? How many times had she sat and talked with her friends about my mum’s pregnancy and disappearance?

Something on top of one of the cupboards caught my eyes. It was a black box file. I put Freddie and the bag of stuff down and went over. I had to drag a chair from the table to stand upon to reach it. The file was heavy. I placed it on the table and opened it.

‘What’s this?’ I said aloud.

‘Don’t know, mummy. Let me see!’ Freddie spoke out.

I went and picked him up, swinging the file around the table to save me walking back to it. One handed, I looked through the mount of paper inside. There was a mixture of newspaper and cheap women magazine pages, handwritten letters, cards, notes and at the bottom….

My heart skipped a beat. The torn pages from the 1979 diary!

I gasped and tipped the box upside down.

‘Oops!’ Freddie squeaked then reached out for the scattering of papers.

‘No, darling,’ I told him gently and tried to hold him out of the way.


‘No,’ I said firmly.

I pulled back the chair and sit down with him on my lap. Trying to keep both his hands in mine was tricky. But I snuggled him against me and hummed softly. I sorted the journal pages out then setting them aside, even though it was hard to do, I looked through the newspaper clippings.

‘Missing twenty-two year old woman,’ I read one of the headlines, ‘police are searching and asking for information about Mary Winacott. Who was last seen at home by her mother the morning of Monday 23rd April. Mary went to work but never arrived. Her mother said Mary was spending the night at a friend’s, but she didn’t turn up. Mary has a young daughter. If you have any information connect the police.’

Below was a grainy black and white photo of my mother. She was smiling and her hair was pinned up. It was just her face, but I could make out a necklace around her neck and the collar of a dress. The photo had been blown up from one I had seen always on the mantle in the living room.

Freddie started wiggling and wailing to get down.

‘Okay. Okay. We’re going,’ I told him.

I packed all the papers back into the box and got up. I scanned the kitchen on last time, collected the bag I’d left by the door and turned to go. Juggling everything in my arms, I opened the door with my foot and walked out.

Freddie burst into tears, crying out words that I didn’t understand. I took him outside and set anything down.

‘What’s wrong, Freddie?’ I asked.

He sobbed, wiping his nose and face.

‘We’re going now. Say goodbye house. Goodbye granny,’ I told him.

‘No,’ he sniffed.

I dug a tissue out and wiped his face.

‘There. That’s better. You okay now?’ I asked.

He nodded, but didn’t seem so sure.

‘Let’s go and get lunch,’ I spoke.

I picked him up then reached for the box and bag.

‘No, bye bye granny,’ Freddie said.

‘Huh?’ I stopped.

‘No,’ he wailed into my ear.

‘It’s okay, Freddie,’ I soothed, ‘let’s go.’

Clutching everything, I went to the car. Freddie was still sniffing as I put him into his car seat. I put the box and bag in the boot and got in myself. With a last look at the house, I drove off wondering why I had asked Freddie to say goodbye to the house and granny when I had never asked him before.

It wasn’t until the next day I had a chance to go through the box. Darla was at the shopping mall with friends and I had talked Dan into giving her a lift and taking the boys there for the afternoon too. I had been craving some me time for awhile now and after I had done a few things I wanted, the box started to call to me.

Curling up on the sofa, some animal document on TV and a cup of green tea on the coffee table, I opened the box for the second time. I split the papers into piles; newspaper clippings, magazine cut outs, letters, cards, notes, photographs and the journal pages. Starting with them, the true story about my birth and my mother’s disappearance reveled itself.

All the questions and answers I had been asking and searching years for, came to light. Gran had known all along who my father was, she just hadn’t been able to fully prove it. The police had looked closely at everything they could, but they had been unable to prove it too or fully connect him to my mum’s disappearance. A body had never been found, but gran knew she was dead.

She wrote; I can feel it. My Mary is gone. I’m not sure how I know, but I just know. I keep praying they find her body, I want to bury her next to Jim –gran’s husband and my mum’s dad, he had died when my mum was about ten, an accident at work in a factory.- I need closure and so does Maya. She’ll want to know what happened when she’s older. I’m going to gather everything for her and keep it safe till the time comes. 

The writing ended. I moved on and looked at other pages and the other things. As soon as I heard the front door open, I scrambled up and flew into the hallway, the papers scattering in my wake. My family stood by the closing front door, weighed down by their shopping.

‘Mr. Bradwell is my father and he murdered my mother!’ I shouted cutting through their conversations, ‘gran proved it, but the police didn’t believe her as there wasn’t enough evidence! But now we can do it.’

I dragged in deep breaths whilst looking at the shocked faces of my children and husband. Then Dan broke the silence, ‘what do you need us to do?’ he asked gently.

The End

Journals (Part 5)


(Please be aware this story contains adult sexual content.) 

We got lucky on the next day as it being Sunday, both Ty and Darla decided to go around to friends for the afternoon. With Freddie watching cartoons and playing with his toys, Dan and I read through gran’s journals. Dan choose to start the year before I was born and I re-read my birth year one.

Close reading as much as I could, the detail gran had gone into about things amazed me. Not only did she written about what she had done during the day and what my mum and then I had done, she also wrote about what the neighbors and her friends had been up to. Also, about UK and world events. On 27th February, gran wrote about a rail workers and civil servant strike, 3rd March: IRA bombing London, 17th March: the opening of the new London bridge, 21 March: the flooding of a coal mine in West Yorkshire.

‘Didn’t you say that your gran had suspected one of your mum’s teachers of being your father?’ Dan broke in with sometime later.

I turned and looked up at him on the sofa. He was laying down, the journal open in both hands, his eyes on me over the top of the book. I was sat crossed legged on the floor, back to the sofa, just little way down from him. The journal before me resting against the edge of the coffee table, which was littered with drinks, snacks, the other journals and a couple of Freddie’s toys.

‘I believe so…’ I trailed, trying hard to think.

‘She writes here,’ Dan said then began reading from the diary, ‘Mary seems infatuated with her new history teacher, Mr Bradwell. When I asked her about him, she said he was twenty-four, just graduated university and taking over from Mrs Green who’s taking early retirement due to illness. Mary has never shown so much interested in history before! I hope to meet this Mr. Bradwell at parents evening in a few months time. Perhaps then though Mary will have lost interested in him.’

Mr Bradwell?’ I questioned, ‘I’ve seen that name a few times. I thought it was just a neighbor or a friend though. And I don’t remember gran stating his name when she listed my potential fathers.’

‘Did she write anyone’s name?’ Dan asked.

I thought for a moment, ‘I don’t remember. But it’s in here somewhere.’

‘Would you though?’ Dan mused, ‘if you were writing a list of men which accused them of getting your sixteen year old daughter pregnant would you put their names down? Okay, so the chances of someone reading your personal diary are slim, but it still could happen….Then she’d have been in trouble and the rumors would have further spread.’

I felt a shiver go through me as he said the first part of that. I saw Darla in my mind’s eye. How would I feel if my fifteen year old daughter got pregnant? Especially, if I suspected a new teacher at her school? I’d be a terrible mother. And yes, the times were different now, but still teenage sex and pregnancy happened. I felt an odd sense of history repeating and I sat for a few moments reflecting on this. Dan calling my name repeatedly snapped me out of it.

‘Maya? What’s wrong?’

‘I was thinking about how history repeats itself,’ I replied slowly.


I glanced at Freddie, he was still engrossed by the bright cartoon characters. I moved around, so I lent my side against the sofa and could hold hands with my husband.

‘I really hope Darla doesn’t make the same mistake my mum did. I’d hate for her to get pregnant so young.’

Dan breathed deeply and slipped the journal to the floor. He took my hands, lent over and kissed my forehead. Dropping his lips further down, I raised my head so our lips could brush.

‘It won’t happen,’ he breathed, ‘we’ve raised her better. She’s a sensible girl. Mature for her age and she’s seen how hard bringing up a baby is.’

He glanced at Freddie whilst I nodded.

‘Why don’t you talk to her about this, later? It’ll help set your mind at rest,’ he added.

‘I should.’

He kissed me again. Pressing harder this time. I let everything slip away and I got lost in the feel and taste of him. When the tip of his tongue teased my lips apart, I open my mouth and let him in. Dan pulled me into a tighter hug, one of his hands held my head and the other slipped down my back as I moved into a kneeling position to reach him better. I wrapped my arms around his neck, angling him down to me better.

Freddie laughing loudly ended the kiss.

I looked over my shoulder and saw him standing next to the TV, hands pressed to the screen. Rolling my eyes, I got up and went to him. I scooped him up with lots of loud kisses and tickles.

‘I got you, Freddie!’ I declared.

He burst into more laughter. I swung him up then around a few times.

‘I think it’s nap time,’ I said afterwards.

‘No, mummy!’ he shouted, pressing his hands to my cheeks.


I blew a raspberry with my tongue and set him off giggling. Then I bundled him upstairs and into his bedroom. Surprisingly, it didn’t take him long to settle down. I turned on the nightlight which also played soft music. I read him a book and tugged him in. Watching him dozing and falling asleep for a few moments, I felt a burst of love and pride. Freddie had been my miracle baby.

For five years after Ty had been born, Dan and I had tried for another baby. Then we gave up. We were a happy family and complete. I didn’t feel the need for another child. However, in the spring of 2012 I thought I had cancer. It was a strange moment and connected to my gran’s scare. Luckily, she never had it and it was a bad chest infection. I though was declared pregnant.

Coming home from that appointment, I was debating, just like my mother and gran had when they had found out, if I should get an abortion or put the baby up for adoption. I was thirty-nine, a still okay age for a third dose of motherhood and the gap between Ty and Freddie was only nine years. Dan and I talked for months about it, but in the end I decided to keep Freddie and I knew the second I held him in my arms it had been the right choice.

Coming back, I patted Freddie’s arm and left him sleeping. Downstairs, Dan had changed the TV to the Formula 1 Grand Prix and was watching it. The diary still abandoned on the floor.

‘He’s sleeping,’ I announced.

‘Good. I was getting bored of Dora,’ Dan replied.

‘Really?’ I broke into laughter, ‘I thought you had a crush on her?’


Dan gripped me as I bent to pick up the diary. I wiggled against him as we tumbled back on the sofa.

‘I joked one time!’ he added.

Twisting out of his hold and back on my feet, I put the diary on the table.

‘And I just can’t let it go,’ I finished, ‘did you find anything else?’

‘No. I stopped reading.’

I sighed and sank down onto the sofa.

‘Your gran was a great writer,’ Dan added.

‘I’m starting to realise. But it’s not getting us anywhere!’

‘I’ve had another idea…’


‘Next weekend, we’ll get the kids to help us and we’ll scan the journals into computers. Then we can search keywords. That’ll speed everything up. Okay, it might take awhile to scan all the pages, but it’d be good to preserve your gran’s writing anyway,’ Dan explained.

I looked at him, ‘you really think that could work?’

‘Yes. My computer and Darla’s both have printers that can scan. And we can easily buy a scanner to hook up to your or Ty’s laptop. Then we can get the computers to find words like your name or your mum’s name or missing or whatever. Then we can just read those sections and we should pick up more information,’ Dan informed me.

I nodded, ‘that might be good…’

‘Then we could pass the diaries on to some history buffs.’

‘Or the police,’ I added.


‘I love it!’

I threw my arms around him, hugging him tightly. Dan laughed then kissed me. I pressed my lips harder against his and moaned aloud. Dan arranged us, so that I was laying on top of him and was comfortable underneath. The kissing continued, our lips and tongues dancing together. Then Dan slipped his hands into my cotton pants and under my underwear. He squeezed my bum, gently at first then harder. He rolled his hips against mine, bouncing us gently.

I ended the kiss and dragged in deep breaths. I felt torn for a few seconds as really we should get back to reading or starting on Dan’s idea. But these moments were getting harder to sneak in with two teenagers in the house. I almost voice my thoughts, but then Dan was shifting me off him and rolling us over.

Dan pulled down my pants and underwear. I reached to undo his trousers and he helped me whilst we carried on kissing. I felt his hands on my breasts. Then he’s fingers were sliding under my top and bra. I gasped and moaned against his mouth as contact was made.

He mumbled, ‘God, I love you,’ in my ear.

I tried to say it back, but the words were lost in another moan as I felt his hardness in-between my legs. He pushed into me and though I tried to keep quiet, I couldn’t help it and an ‘oh’ sound come out very loudly. I wrapped my arms and legs around his body, as Dan pressed his hands to a space just above my shoulders. He moved slowly at first, kissing me often then he picked up the pace and sent us both over the edge.

After we curled up together and watched the ending of the Grand Prix.

To Be Continued…

Journals (Part 4)


(Please be aware this story contains adult sexual content.) 

That night, after Chinese takeaway and the kids had gone to bed, I went through the journals.

I got Dan to bring the three boxes into the living room and I sat on the floor surrounded by books. For awhile, Dan helped but then he put the TV on and got distracted by a movie. With the journals all neatly dates, it was easy for me to find the ones I wanted. Setting the others back into their boxes, I looked at the seven books before me. There were all fake leather A3 size, two were black, two were blue, one was green, the sixth red and the seventh was a strange grey color. It didn’t seem to fit in with the rest.

I picked it up and double checked the date. 1979, the year my mum went missing. I put it back and picked up the one dated 1973, the year I was born instead. I flipped to my birthday and read my gran’s account of that day. It was brief. She wrote about my mum and her going into hospital at about lunch time and me bring born a few hours later. Everything was fine, but then there was a line about the nurses and doctors asking about who the father was. If my mum was married and if she was actually going to keep me.

They forced the adoption papers into Mary’s hands. I told her it was her choice, but hadn’t I said I would take the baby on myself? This family has had to many lost children. Mary decided to keep the baby, but she wants to raise it by herself. I know it’s going to a street scandal, but this isn’t the 1950’s now! We shall do our best.

 I turned the page and read some more. It was another brief entry; my naming, leaving the hospital in the late evening and getting me home. Then something about the fact I was a good baby and slept well.

I went to the end of the journal and read the last page. I was five months old now. My gran had put that my mum still wouldn’t tell her who my father was. She could see the weight of the responsibility weighing down her sixteen year old daughter. She planned to adopt me and send my mum back to school.

I closed the book and reached of another one.

‘Anything interesting?’ Dan asked sleepily from the sofa.

‘No. That was the year I was born, so I wasn’t really expecting anything,’ I replied.

I picked up the next one and opened it.

‘We should go to bed. I’ve work in the morning,’ Dan spoke.

‘I’ll be up in a bit,’ I replied.

He paused then said, ‘come to bed with me now. You’ll lose track of time and be up all night…just like when you were reading Harry Potter.’

I smiled at that without really meaning too.

He got up and came to me. Slipping his hands on to my shoulders and massaging. I hummed a little and let everything go. All the tension and worry I’d been carrying with me and just hiding came to the surface. Tiredness quickly followed and I decided for a change that my husband was right.

I had the journals now and whatever secrets were inside of them could wait until morning. Dan helped me up and we went upstairs.

In the week that followed, I read the journals closely in any spare time I had. They told me very little and so much at the same time. I began to realise though that my mum had never told anyone the name of my father. My gran thought it could be a number of men, including; one of my mum’s high school teachers and an eighteen year old neighbor. I though, my gran wrote, looked too much like my mum.

When I came to read the grey 1979 journal it was very patchy and it seemed pages might have been torn out, though I couldn’t be sure. The date my mum officially was declared missing was Tuesday in late April. She had failed to come home from a friend’s house Monday night. Gran wrote mum never turned up to work her part time job in a shoe shop on Monday or Tuesday. She had asked friends and no one had seen her.

The police said she’d run away from home and or was just staying with a friend. She’d turn up. Gran felt differently though. It didn’t make any sense why Mary would leave me behind, she loved me. Even though Gran had pretty much taken over at this point. Gran wrote that six year old me often asked where mamma was. Gran said she was away and would come home soon. But she never did.

Soon after I finished the grey diary, I moved on and read through the 1980’s journals. Gran and the police were still looking for mum. There wasn’t a lot to go on though. And I stopped asking were she was. Gran was mum now and I had to worry about school and growing up.

‘Diaries turned up anything today?’ Dan asked a week or so later as we lay in bed together.

I snuggled against him, putting my head on his bare chest and listening to his breathing. He stroked my hair and held me close.

‘No,’ I replied, ‘gran was right when she told me she never knew what happened. Mary just vanished one day and the police could never find her. I always thought it was because of me. But gran told me and wrote how much Mary loved me. So that couldn’t have been her reason. I don’t know…Maybe I missed something.’

‘Or maybe that’s it,’ Dan said softly.

I rubbed his chest, feeling the small hairs against my skin. I looked up at him and he was watching me. He kissed the top of my head then I moved and our lips brushed.

‘Do you think I should give up?’ I questioned.

‘I wouldn’t,’ he answered quickly, ‘and your gran never did. The answers are out there somewhere. Tomorrow I’ll read through the diaries too. Maybe we’ll find out together.’

‘Thanks,’ I whispered and kissed him deeply.

To Be Continued…

Journals (Part 3)


(Please be aware this story contains adult sexual content.) 

I was first up in the morning and it was raining. Letting the curtain fall back into place, I went to have a shower whilst my husband slept on. The warm water helped clear my head and I tried hard to to think about the task before us today. I put some black leggings under a pair of old jeans, a long sleeved t-shirt and an old fleece jumper on.

Grabbing some boot socks from the draw, I caught myself in the mirror. Today, I looked more mummy frumpy, then sexy wife. Sitting on the bed, I put the socks on then patted Dan awake.

‘Morning,’ I said, brightly. ‘I’m going to get Freddie up and start breakfast. Will you get Darla and Ty up?’

‘Yes,’ he mumbled, ‘come here.’

‘Why?’ I asked, going over anyway.

He tossed back the duvet and reached out for me. I lent over into the hug and he grabbed me and swung me back onto the bed. Laughing and playfully trying to wave him away, he mashed his lips to mine.

‘We don’t have time for this,’ I muttered.

‘We do,’ he whispered back and dropped his head to my neck.

I felt soft kisses against my skin. I stroked his hair and looked up at the ceiling.

A toilet flushed in the background and the door opened and closed. A child was awake.

I brought Dan’s head up and kissed him gentle on the lips. He let me go and both got up. I fixed my clothes and he went into the bathroom. I headed out, going to collect Freddie. As I passed Ty’s room I saw the door was half open. I knocked and waited.

He’s reply was muffled, but I took it to mean enter. I poked my head around and he was in boxers and a t-shirt standing before his desk, loading his game console up.

‘Do you want a bacon sandwich?’ I asked.


‘As soon as we’ve eaten we’re going, okay? So you might not have time to play that,’ I added.

He shrugged, ‘It’s fine.’

The TV screen loaded and he began clicking buttons. I walked away and got Freddie up and sorted. He was still sleepy, which made the job easier. I carried him downstairs on my hip and put him in the high chair with a soft picture book to keep him amused. I started preparing and cooking breakfast.

Soon everything was made and everyone had joined me in the kitchen. A rare sight for a Sunday morning!

‘My plan’s to leave as soon as we’ve tidied up and put more empty boxes in the car. Okay?’ I announced, ‘then we’ll sort out the job list when we get there okay? And no messing around or moaning today you two,’ I added wiggling a finger at Darla and Ty, ‘we need to be speedy and get the last bits done.’

‘If I find something cool, I can keep it right?’ Darla asked.

‘There’s nothing cool left. It’s just old junk,’ Ty cut in.

Darla huffed and went to say something. I jumped in, ‘we’ll see. Right, time to get ready to go. Ty can you do the dishwasher please? and Darla will you help your dad with the boxes. I need to pack a bag for Freddie.’

‘Why do I have to?’ Ty grumbled.

‘Because it would be a big help and you missed your turn the other day. No more arguments now.’

I picked up Freddie and took him out of the kitchen, leaving them to it. Upstairs, I got everything sorted and was back down in record time. Then we were all in the car and heading to grandma’s. The roads were quiet and we arrived quickly.

‘So, Dad and I are finishing the attic and we’ll keep Freddie with us,’ I said just before everyone got out of the car, ‘can you to clean the kitchen out? That’s really the last room that needs to be sorted. Now, there’s boxes marked up already, so just decided where to put the stuff. Okay?’

To groans and mumbles of yes mum, Ty and Darla got out of the car. We joined them; Dan carrying Freddie and his bag. I unlocked and opened the door. The smell of lavender, dust and old things whiffed up my nose. I tried not to think about and headed up the two flights of stairs. I turned the light on and took in the attic once again.

Dan joined me a few minutes later and sat Freddie on the floor with his bag.

‘We should’ve brought the playpen,’ Dan uttered.

‘I guess….He’ll be okay,’ I spoke.

I went over and got a few toys and books out of the bag. I placed them around him and Freddie sat on the dusty attic floor, rolling a wooden train around. He seemed happy enough for now.

Feeling the weight of the task on my shoulders, I walked to where we had stopped yesterday. My shoes tapped against the side of a box and opened it. Inside were more of the leather books. I pulled the first out and flipped through the pages. They were dated neatly at the top and the year said it was 1972. I stopped at a random page and read that my grandma had gone to a beach for the day. She had taken my mum and it had rained.

‘More diaries?’ Dan asked over my shoulder.

‘Yes,’ I replied, ‘It’s amazing how many she wrote! What’s in the next box?’

Dan moved and opened it. We both looked inside and saw another stack of leather bound books. This time though paper notebooks lined onside. Dan pulled one of these out and flipped through it, ‘looks like another diary.’

I nodded and put the one in my the hands back.

‘Are you sure you want to keep all of these?’ Dan asked.

‘I don’t know,’ I replied, ‘there could be something interesting in them….Answers, you know?’

‘Answers?’ he questioned.

I sighed deeply. My mind had now become fixated on my mother.

‘I thought you’d given up on all of that?’ he said gently.

‘So did I….’

‘I’ll put them in the keep pile then.’

I nodded and let him move the boxes to the right side of the attic door. Checking, Freddie was still okay, I moved on to the next boxes. Inside were old clothes, toys and one of the things I had been looking for; the china tea set.

The day passed quickly and surprisingly without the kids causing us any problems. As soon as I’d found the stuff I wanted in the attic, I switched places with Ty and left him and Dan to clean the rest of the things out. Darla and I went all out in the kitchen and emptied it.

‘So that’s it then,’ Dan said as we regrouped in the hallway.

It looked like the middle of the night already outside, even though it was barely five PM. Rain was falling lightly and the house felt freezing and damp.

Freddie started crying.

‘Let’s pack the car and get home….Who fancies Chinese takeaway?’ Dan added.

‘Yes, please!’ Darla jumped in.

‘Yes!’ Ty shouted.

‘We had pizza last night!’ I cut in, ‘there’s enough food at home.’

‘I thought you’d be too tried to cook,’ Dan spoke out, ‘but it’s fine if you want to.’

‘I’ll think about it,’ I muttered and hurried out to the car.

We drove home and all I could think about was my mother. There had to be something in gran’s journals that told me more about her. Of course, I knew all the stories, but wasn’t it time I knew the truth?

To Be Continued…

Journals (Part 2)


(Please be aware this story contains adult sexual content.) 

I sighed deeply and tried to focus my eyes on the ceiling as I felt myself drifting off. Dan had wrapped us both in quilt and I was warm, comfy and satisfied. Rolling over, I snuggled against him for the second time and kissed his nose.

‘We have to go,’ I whispered.

‘Five more minutes,’ he replied, sleepy.

‘We can’t. The kids are waiting for pizza and we need to put those boxes in the car.’

Dan mumbled something I didn’t hear and tried to hold me in a hug. I wiggled away, pulled off the quilt and got up. I felt his arms snaking out to draw me back again, but I was out of reach.

I dressed quickly, feeling the chilly air against my skin. I put on my shoes and thought about leaning over to kiss him again. A part of me desperately wanted to get back into the bed. I wanted to feel his arms protecting me and the soft brush of his lips on my hair. I wanted to forget everything again and let it be just me and him forever.

But we couldn’t hide from our responsibilities and the world.

‘Come on,’ I said loudly and tugged the quilt off him.

He sprawled out then sit up quickly as the cold blew over his skin, ‘damn that boiler.’

‘Check it. I’m going to the loo.’

I hurried from the room and into the bathroom next door. Clicking on the light, I sat on the loo and my eyes wondered. There was a large spider in the bathtub. Tutting, I finished, washed my hands then used the empty soap dish to save the spider. Setting it free on the window ledge, I left the bathroom and went back into the attic. It felt colder then before and darker too.

I gathered the books I had dropped earlier into a new plastic box with some other ones and closed the lid. Pushing it towards the doorway and the pile of other boxes we were taking with us, I heard Dan coming up the stairs.

‘It’s gone off again. I’ll have to fix it tomorrow,’ he said.

I nodded, ‘Just these boxes and the ones by the front door.’


Dan bend down and picked the first one up. He walked to the door and began going downstairs. I went for the box next to it, but my phone rang, the sound breaking through the quietness that had settled into the house. I answered it quickly, seeing it was Darla, ‘hi, sweetie.’

‘Where are you?’ she demanded.

‘Still at gran’s-‘


‘I know. I’m sorry. But we are leaving now. What pizza do you all want?’ I asked.

‘Four cheese and pepperoni. You are going to Costco, right?’

‘Yes. Of course,’ I answered, suddenly realising that I hadn’t given picking a pizza place a thought.

‘Good. Don’t get the chicken one. I don’t like it.’

‘I know. I’ll text you when we are on our way home so you can warm the plates and set the table. Is Mrs. J still okay?’ I questioned.

‘She wants to speak to you.’

I  began pacing the attic in small circles. There was the muffled sound of the phone switching hands then Mrs. Jamesson’s old cracked voice, ‘Maya? Do you know what time it is?’

‘I’m so sorry, Maggie. I wanted to get the attic emptied and we’ve just not been able to. And I’ve just promised the kids pizza now. We won’t be longer then a hour.’

‘And hour?’ she hissed the down the phone, ‘That wasn’t what I agreed too!’

‘I know and I’m sorry…but I’ll make it up to you.’

She mumbled something down the phone and I heard Freddie crying in the background.

‘He’s hungry!’ Darla shouted.

‘We’ll try to be home faster. See you soon,’ I hung up and putting my phone away, grabbed a box.

Soon, the black Land Rover was packed with boxes and we were driving to Costco. I warmed my hands on the air coming through the vent and listened to the news on the radio. My thoughts were heavy with the weight of the tasks still ahead of me.

‘We’ll have to take the kids tomorrow,’ I spoke out.

Dan stopped at a red light and glanced over at me.

‘I know it’ll be harder to sort stuff out, but I can’t ask Mrs Jamesson, I’m in her bad books now,’ I added.

‘We can get Dee and Ty to finish off the attic-‘

‘No. we need to do that. There’s fragile stuff up there and they wouldn’t know what to keep, throw or donate. Plus, I’ve not found the china set or the plates or the jewelry yet.’

The lights changed and Dan drove off again. We turned into the large car park and found a spot straight away.

‘Do we need anything else?’ Dan asked.

‘No. Just food for the starving wolves,’ I laughed.

Dan smirked at the joke and we hurried into the brightly light warehouse. The queue for food was long and I wished we’d gotten here sooner. We ordered then had to wait longer. I sent a text to Darla informing her of the delay then as soon as we got the pizzas another text that we were on the way home.

Dan took the short cut back whilst I balanced the hot pizza boxes on my knees. As soon as the car pulled into the driveway, the front door was thrown open and Darla rushed out carrying Freddie.

‘Look, it’s mummy and daddy!’ she said loudly.

‘Hello, darlings,’ I said.

Dan came around and took the pizzas from me so I could take and hug Freddie. The four year old weighted a ton in my tried arms. I put him on my hip and closed the car door. We walked to the house together, where Mrs Jamesson was stood in the doorway barring it like an angry pub bouncer.

‘We are so sorry, Maggie,’ Dan broke out, ‘would you like to join us for pizza?’

‘No, I would not,’ she snapped, ‘you owe me, Maya,’ she added turning to me.

Then she stepped from the doorway, barging past us and out onto the street. I sighed deeply then called after her, ‘Thanks!’

‘You kids have fun?’ Dan asked.

‘I guess,’ Darla mumbled.

I walked inside and headed into the kitchen. I placed Freddie down in his high chair before taking and drying the warm plates from the sink. Dan put the pizza on the table, left and shouted Ty from the hallway. I turned and set the plates down.

Darla had opened both boxes and she quickly took a plate and began grabbing slices.

‘Sorry about the wait. It was really busy,’ I said.

‘I know I got your text.’

‘Did you get pepperoni?’ Ty called from the doorway.

‘Yes and four cheese,’ I answered.


He grabbed a plate and some pizza then made to leave.

‘Come back, young man! Sit down!’

‘But mum!’ he groaned.

‘Come on, Ty. We’ve not seen you all day,’ Dan put in.

‘But I got a game running!’

‘It can wait. Sit,’ I said firmly.

With more groaning my thirteen year old, sat down and began eating with us.

‘Tell me about your day,’ I called out as I cut up some pizza for Freddie.

Darla and Ty relayed their day around mouthfuls of pizza. Once they were done, Dan and I talked about ours and then I broke the bad news to them.

‘I’m afraid tomorrow you’ll all have to come with us.’

Darla and Ty groaned loudly and both said why at the same time.

‘Because there’s no way I’m asking Mrs J again and there’s no one else,’ I explained.

‘I could do it!’ Darla spoke out.

‘We’ve been over this,’ Dan answered calmly.

‘I know…but please. It’ll only be a few hours, won’t it?’

‘Please let her do it!’ Ty jumped in suddenly, ‘I’ll be good and I’ll help look after Freddie.’

I looked at Dan then the kids, weighing everything up, but there was still no way I was going to leave my fifteen year old daughter in charge of her younger brothers.

‘Darla. I know you’ll make a good babysitter and I believe in you, but you’re still a little to young to watch the boys all day. It’d also be unfair on you. If there was another way we’d do it. But there’s not and to be honest your dad and I could use a hand in trying to finish sorting things out, ‘ I explained.

Silence fell for a moment then Darla nodded her head and Ty growled something, but perhaps it wasn’t even words. We finished tea then got the boxes from the car and put them in the dining room, which we were using for storage. The rest of the evening was spent relaxing and putting the kids to bed.

Just before Dan and I went up at a little past ten, I went into the dining room and looked for that last box of books. Something had been bugging me about it, but I wasn’t sure what. For some reason, those leather bound volumes had stuck in my head and I knew they were not just normal books.

I found them and pulled them out from the box. Opening the first I looked at the handwriting across the page.

‘What is it?’ Dan said from the doorway.

‘I thought I recognised these…They’re my grandma’s journals.’

‘Oh…anything interesting in them?’

‘I don’t know.’

I flipped through the pages, but all I could see was flash of words in different colored inks. I closed the book and left it with the others. I was too tried to read it now.

‘Well, you know where they are now,’ Dan responded, waving a hand at the box.

‘Yes,’ I replied.

Going to him, I kissed him and wrapped my arms around him. He returned the kiss and hugged me.

‘You were amazing today,’ he muttered in my ear.

I giggled.

‘Shame the kids will be there tomorrow…is there no chance…?’

‘I’m afraid not…Unless, we’re going to trust Darla?’ I suggested.

‘We can’t,’ Dan breathed.

‘That’s that then,’ I spoke.

I held his hands and turned off the lights.

To Be Continued…

Journals (Part 1)


(Please be aware this story contains adult sexual content.) 

I wasn’t even thinking when I came across Grandma’s journals. I had just opened another dusty cardboard box of old books and was moving it to the side when the bottom give out. Leather bound volumes scattered across the attic floor and I swore loudly.

‘Maya? Are you okay?’ my husband called over.

‘Fine,’ I answered then sighed as I knelt to stack the books together.

‘Let’s get out of here. We’ve done enough.’

‘I really want to finish this, Dan,’ I replied.

I looked up at him as he felt silent. My knight in shining armour was pressing his lips together in a frown and looking stern at the back of the attic. There still seemed so much to sort out. He ran his hands through his thick black hair, tugging out strands, which he always did when he was stressed.

I left the books and went to him. I wrapped my arms around his growing pot belly stomach and pressed my head into his back. He was tall and I only came up to his chest, even though I wasn’t that short. He patted my hands then turned to pull me into a tight hug. I breathed deep his familiar smell of aftershave and sweat which was mingled with the wood and dust of the attic.

‘I get it,’ he muttered into my ear, ‘but there’s enough time. We’ve been at this all day and I want to go home and see the kids.’

‘Okay,’ I breathed.

I looked up at him and he rose my chin with one finger. Our lips meet and for a few moments I lost myself in his embrace. It was amazing that after all the years, he still had this power over me with one simple soft kiss. I felt him touching my short blonde hair and my cheek. His hand dropped further, coming to squeeze my  left breast. I gasped into his mouth and he took the opening to dip his tongue passed my lips.

For a few moments more we were lost in the touch and taste of each other. The attic and the present seemed a distance separate thing. Right now there was just the two of us; roaming hands and fingers, rolling wet tongues and eager kisses. Our bodies pressed so tightly together and tingling with the anticipation of more excitement to come.

The ringing of a phone slowed then stopped the kisses. I realised it was mine and dug it out of my pocket whilst Dan was still holding on to me. His hands were squashing my bum and I could feel his hardness pressing against my thigh.

‘It’s Darla,’ I spoke and answered the call, ‘hi, sweetie.’

‘Hi, mum. When are you coming home?’ our oldest child asked.

‘Now actually. We were just getting ready to leave.’

‘Cool. Can we have pizza for dinner? I did all my homework and Freddie hasn’t cried once today,’ Darla said.

Dan kissed my cheek then dropped his head to my shoulder, where he started planting soft kissing up and down my neck.

I tried not to giggle or moan and just to concentrate on being a mother, ‘and Ty?’

‘He’s been okay….Mrs J had a bit of a argument with him. He wanted to go and play at a friends’ house and he came back late. But it’s sorted now….So, pizza?’

‘Okay. We’ll pick it up on the way home. Tell Mrs J, we’ll be back soon.’

‘Thanks, see you!’ Darla rushed and I heard her shouting, ‘we’re getting pizza!’ before she hung up.

I ended the call too and glanced at my messages, but I hadn’t missed anything. I felt Dan lick my neck, then trail his way up. He kissed my cheek, then our lips meet in a soft embrace. I broke off the kiss and stepped out of the hug, before he could distracted me again. I slipped my phone away then put my hands on his lower arms.

‘The kids want pizza. I said we’d go and pick it up.’

‘Sounds good to me….First though…’ Dan murmured.

He draw me back in and tried to kiss me again.

‘It was you that wanted to go home to the kids!’ I playfully called out.

‘I know…but then I saw you with dust and spiderwebs in your hair and you looked so sexy and I just have this urge-‘


‘This urge,’ he growled softly as he grabbed my bum and squeezed it roughly whilst pulling me hard against him.

His manhood hit me right in the crotch of my jeans and I let out a squeal of delight and passion. I laughed and pressed my face to his, we kissed. In a low voice into his ear I said, ‘I guess the kids can wait a few more minutes.’

I licked my lips and dropped my hand between his legs.

‘We can’t have you going home like this, can we?’ I whispered.

‘No,’ he purred back.

I wrapped my other arm around his shoulders and stood on my tip toes. We kissed deeply whilst I kept my other hand rubbing his jeans. He broke the kiss and moaned into my ear.

‘Bedroom?’ I breathed.


I slipped out of his hold, took his hand and led him from the attic. We went into what had been the guest bedroom and now the only room in the house to have a bed in it. The thin curtains were already drawn over the window, not that any light was actually coming in as it was pitch black outside. I turned on the lamp and we stood next to the bed, wrapped in each other’s arms and kissing.

Dan eased me down onto the bed and whilst my head sank into the old feather pillow, his warm hands pulled up my t-shirt. His nimble fingers slipped quickly across my cotton bra then down inside it. I gasped and moaned against his mouth whilst my body wiggled at his touch. He dropped his head to my chest, his fingers peeling down the bra cups. I felt his lips, his tongue and I fell into an ecstasy.

He took off my jeans and I kicked off my pumps. He kissed down my stomach and I put my hands on his head and guided him further down. I turned my head and moaned loudly into to the pillow. I felt his fingers hooking the edges of my underwear and gently removing them. He spread my legs, running his hands up and down them slowly. I moved my head back into time to see him undoing his jeans and tugging them down.

I smiled and reached for him as he came to lay on top of me. We kissed tenderly and I felt him sliding inside me. Gasping and breathing deeply, I wrapped my arms around his shoulders and lower back. He pressed his head against mine and in my ear muttered something.

I hummed questionably.

‘You’re so wet,’ he said louder.

‘Your doing,’ I mumbled.

‘Oh yeah?’

He shoved hard against me, I cried out in surprise then felt small vibrations of pleasure tinging through me. He picked up the rhythm and we rocked together till both us reach climax.

To Be Continued…