I can’t believe that October is here! September seems to have flown by and taking the last of summer with it. Outside it feels like autumn is settling in now. The leaves on the trees are changing coloring and falling. There’s also been strong wind and heavy wind but most noticeable the fast coming and long nights. I remember during summer, it still being light till nine but now the clock chimes seven and night arrives.
Now normally, I’d be so excited and looking forward to Halloween but I’m not. I just can’t seem to shake off this feeling that something is wrong. I’ve reviewed everything and turned lot over in my head whilst laying in bed these past nights, but I still don’t know where this feeling has come from. It’s like I’ve forgotten something important or there’s something off about my normal self, I’m not thinking right anymore.
I don’t know if I should just let it go or try to figure out more deeply what’s wrong? Maybe, it’s just the full change of the season coming in. I mean, summer has felt so hot and long this year and I guess we’ve all gotten so use to living in what seems to be a more tropical country. Now, it’s back to normal England and everyone is unhappy – expect for people like me who are not a fan of the heat!
It’s also that point of the year when I just feel more alone and fed up. Not for any real reason, it’s just feeling tried and ill all the time. I know it’ll pass and I do really want it to. There’s a lot to look forward to in the next few weeks and months, too much for me to be in this grumpy mood!
Bob hadn’t be able to offered a new shelter roof after the storm blew it off. He thought at first that his pub’s clients wouldn’t mind just standing outside. Summer was still lingering and the nights were warm and dry. Weeks later, autumn fully arrived, sweeping and washing away summer.
Bob needed a simple and cheap idea to give people shelter. Umbrellas had come to him as he had been watching the rain falling outside. He stock piled boxes full and fixed them across the roof frame. The shelter looked like the stage of a colourful musical but the pub’s clients loved it.
Postman Bert finished his cup of tea and looked outside. The rain was falling steadily from a dark grey sky and the wind was sweeping leaves about. It looked like autumn out there for sure.
He returned his cup to the small canteen counter, said goodbye to Maureen who was busy making toast for another postman and went to collect his bags full of letters and small parcels. Then he left the post sorting office and started his rounds. The weather was just as bad as it had seemed inside but Bert didn’t mind that much.
He rode his bicycle for ten minutes then turned down a small street. Here, he padlocked his bicycle to a lamp post and started delivering the mail. And that was how it was for much of the morning; he went from street to street, door to door, posting through letters of all kinds and sometimes parcels.
At one house though as he was getting the right letters for that address, he saw an envelope with his name on it. Bert stopped and read the child’s handwriting on the front. The address had been the post office. Wondering why this letter for him had been mixed in with someone else’s, Bert turned the envelope over and saw the return address was for the door he was standing before. That explained it.
Bert posted the other letters through and put the letter for himself into a deep pocket of his red coat. Then he finished off his morning round and went back to the sorting office for a lunch break.
Whilst waiting for his hot lunch, Bert took the letter from his pocket and opened it. The child’s handwriting was difficult to read in places but the words brought a smile to his face. It wasn’t often a postman got thanked for doing his job and that made Bert feel happy.
Dear Postman Bert,
Thank you for delivering my birthday presents last week. Mummy has been in hospital and she is now getting better at home, but she wasn’t able to go out and buy anything. She brought things online and she wasn’t sure they would be here on time but you and the post office helped to make it so!
Summer has gone so fast like a whirlwind of sun, heat and fun. For the last few days, it has been feeling autumnal; strong winds, rain, a chill to the air and the nights have been closing in quicker.
For me though, this season is the best and I’m so happy for it to start. Some of my friends are already complaining; it’s colder, it’s darker, I’ve to switch my clothes around! I don’t see the problem though, I can finally wear jumpers and be all cosy!
Then there’s listening to the rain and wind outside whilst the fire is crackling away and I’ve a good book to read and hot chocolate to sip. What more could anyone want? Maybe a cat or dog or another person to snug with…
Well, I’ll get one or the other, maybe even two or all, one day! For now, I’m happy still without the responsibility to a pet or relationship.
It’s starting to rain outside now but it’s that summer drizzle stuff and not the autumn down pour. It’s dark out there too and I can see the neighbour’s garden light on.
He hadn’t wanted to retire, he didn’t like having nothing to do and his wife was happier without him getting in her away at home. Luckily, he had taken that walk down by the docks that day and seen the sign for volunteers at a boat repair shop.
He’d always liked boats and working with his hands. He decided to go it ago and see what happened.
Now, he spends days outside, enduring rain and sun, fixing up boats and painting them. He couldn’t think of anything else he’d rather be spending time doing and he felt useful once again.
The sky looked angry as the storm rolled in. I watched the clouds from my fishing boat and decided to return to the harbour. The choppy sea and pouring rain slowed me down but I made it back as the first rumble of thunder echoed.
I hurried from my boat on to the wooden dock and tied her up. Looking back, I saw a fork of lighting striking the top of a large wave. Flickers of electric current rode the water, zinging their way to shore. I got out of there, dashing for the shelter of home.
Athazagoraphobia; the fear of forgetting, being forgotten or ignored or being replaced.
Today has been one of those days. The phone didn’t ring and no one knocked on the door. I didn’t really want to sit in front of the TV all day but what else could I do? It’s been raining most of the time and looking miserable in between. Not many people past by my window and I guess the stray cats had somewhere else to be today too.
I tried to do a little knitting, just a scrap of a scarf I started but my hands were too shaky. I give up after twenty minutes. I can still do it every now and again, but I’m missing it more and more. I tried some other things; word searches, dot-to-dot, quizzes and coloring. Anything to keep me going. I did a little reading too of Wuthering Heights but mostly that’s from memory now. I can just about follow the words but they get jumbled.
I’m sure tomorrow there was something I had to do, something I was looking forward to but I just can’t remember it. I tried looking on the post it notes dotted around, my notebooks and my two calendars but nothing was written. It hurts to try and remember for too long then some other faded memory pops up and I start thinking about that instead.
Today has been just too lonely and emotional to bare. I’m laying in bed now, listening to the rain against the window and the wind howling. I think sometimes the weather, the TV and the stray cats are all I have left now. And the people I do see; the post office woman, the shop workers, the landlord, the neighbors I do know, they are nothing as I am nothing to them.
It’s a strange thought but I’ve had enough time to reflect on it now. I’ve accept the way things are. It’s too late to change anything. It always worried me when I was younger; this fear of being forgotten and ignored. I guess it still does worry me but in a different way now. I wanted to make people remember my name liked movie and TV stars but that career didn’t work out.
I’m starting to think that no matter what it’s the same for everyone soon enough. We all get forgotten. When the people who knew you go, if they didn’t tell anyone about you, then who’s to remember you then? If people stop watching the movies you made, using the things you invented, get rid of the things you created it, then that’s when you are officially gone.
It’s the first of Spring today but it feels more like the heart of winter! The snow is so heavy that it came to over the top of my wellies and I had to carry my poor doggie home. We didn’t go out after that and I phoned in work, no way I could I get there! So it was a day spent watching TV and reading.
I could hear the wind whistling by and ratting the window. The snow has been coming down in like, clouds. It’s hard to describe because its not really thick and fluffy flakes, it’s like small dusty puffs but because there’s a lot of it and it’s falling fast to stick on already frozen ground, it’s just building and building.
This afternoon, whilst pacing about, I saw out of the window, a car sliding down the street. I pressed myself to the cold window and looked out. There was a driver inside and I think they were just using the ice to glide across. Still though, I wouldn’t want to attempted that!
Across the street, the snow had pretty much buried the line of cars parked there. It would take awhile to dig one of them out…Some of the street lamps were on too, their sensors darkened by little peaks of snow on top of them. It was actually really pretty. And reminded me of Christmas! Which seems so weird.
Anyway, I’m grateful to be curled up in bed now, warm and toasty. Outside, I can see more snow falling and the wind tossing it about. Doggie is snoring at my feet and even though I’ve hardly done anything I’m feeling tried. Hopefully, the weather will be better tomorrow!